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24 October 2006 @ 02:29 pm
 

Title: 10 Steps to Getting Over a Relationship

Pairing: Irvine/Zell

Rating: NC-17

For: rabid_x who wanted Irvine/Zell and an R – NC-17 rating
Notes: Zell gets dumped. The gang tries to be helpful.


 

1.        Buy yourself a new outfit that makes you feel hot

 

Zell peered in the mirror and looked himself up and down, allowing himself time to take in the matte black of the leather pants and the drape of the silk shirt. He looked over his shoulder at Selphie and Rinoa and blushed at the wolf whistle and cat call he received, quickly turning his head back around and looking down while lifting each foot in turn, testing the weight of the boots.

 

“I’m not sure about this, guys… I mean, it’s not really my style.” He reached up and fiddled with the black leather collar around his neck as Rinoa stepped up next to him and rested a hand on his shoulder, smiling delightedly.

 

“That’s the point, Zell!”

 

“Yeah!” Agreed Selphie, bounding up and slinging an arm through one of his, “Now you’re way too hot for Little Miss Pigtails.”

 

“I guess…” Zell didn’t sound convinced.

 

2.        Go dancing a lot to rid yourself of pent up energy and sexual tension.

 

Panting and flushed, Zell tried to move off the dance floor but was tugged back against Irvine who ducked to talk into his ear in order to be heard over the throb of the music, “What’s the matter?”

 

Zell’s shoulders bunched up at brush of the cowboy’s lips to his ear and his back arched when hips ground against his ass, “I thought this was supposed to relieve sexual tension!”

 

Irvine just laughed.

 

3.        Quit smoking/drinking/etc whatever substance you used to help you through the end of your relationship.

 

Zell watched sullenly, arms crossed over his chest, as Quistis and Xu crumbled up and flushed the last of his cigarettes down the toilet in his bathroom. His face brightened immediately into a smile when they turned around, looking pleased.

 

“There! Letting go of that vice should help you move on,” Xu brushed some of her hair back.

 

Quistis nodded as she smoothed her skirt, “They say cold turkey is really best.”

 

Zell smiled and nodded and thanked them as he walked them to and out the door before parting company with him. Then he trudged his way to the quad. As he rounded a corner, a cigarette appeared in thin air.

 

Well, less in thin air and more in the long, slender fingers of a particular SeeD with a jauntily perched cowboy hat, “Need one-a these?”

 

Irvine thought that the look on Zell’s face as he lit up was one of pure Nirvana.

 

4.        Do not sit around the house and mope. Fill your time with new and exciting experiences.

5.        Learn something creative with your buddies, like starting a band or learning how to knit.

 

Creeping through the streets of Galbadia late at night with a can of spray paint, a gleeful Irvine, and a not-so-enthusiastic Squall was not what Zell figured Selphie had in mind when she gave Zell the “Ten Step” list out of a self-help book three weeks ago.

 

Still, Zell thought as he shook the can, he had never graffiti-ed anything before… and none of them were big fans of knitting.

 

6.        Get a haircut. (Nothing says “Forget you!” to an ‘ex’ like a hot new ‘do!)

 

Zell bolted for the door, shouting over the buzz of the clippers, “FORGET IT, SELPHIE!!”

 

7.        Change your mode of transportation. This enables you to change your patterns of rumination.

 

Zell clung helplessly to Irvine’s arm as he was slowly led around the quad on a pair of rollerblades, “I can’t believe I gave up my T-Board for this…” His voice held a slight edge of fear as he wobbled a bit.

 

“Easy now… It’s not so bad, is it? Aren’t you s’posed to be a nature athlete or somethin’?” Irvine patted Zell’s hand reassuringly and picked up the pace. Until Zell tripped and they landed in a pile.

 

Irvine blew some hair out of his eyes and peered up at the sheepish expression on the blonde’s face, “Maybe not.”

 

8.        Set some professional goals.

 

Quistis sighed as she read the disciplinary report for one Dincht, Zell Gregory: “I will endeavor not to be demoted another rank by never signing my real name to any graffiti art in the future.”

 

9.        Buy a vibrator or self-love toy.

 

Zell’s hips moved in rolling circles and he moved as he fucked himself with the shorter, thicker dildo of the three he had purchased earlier in the day. He was beginning to think that this step seemed to have some merit.

 

Up until right before he squealed from pinching his own nipple too hard when there was a knock at the door and then it whooshed open without the intruder waiting for an answer.

 

He could’ve sworn that he’d locked that.

 

10.     Try to avoid starting a new relationship immediately.

 

Zell moaned and twisted in Irvine’s lap, skewered on the cowboy’s cock while tugging at the restraints around his wrists that Irvine was holding high over his head by the thick chain in the middle that connected them.

 

His back was pressed to Irvine’s chest and Irvine’s legs were spread wide with Zell’s straddling his own so that he was stretched out to take him deep and to prohibit movement.

 

Irvine’s other hand held a crinkled piece of paper as he finished reading the list that Selphie had given Zell before crumbling it up and tossing it onto the floor, “Seems like a load of crap, don’tcha think?”

 

Zell moaned and nodded his agreement as Irvine’s long fingers skimmed over his chest and up to rest a hand lightly around his throat, fingers curling to brush his pulse point.

 

“Self-help’s overrated. ‘Specially when,” His hand slid back down and over Zell’s belly, continuing down and grinning at the helpless moans Zell made, “I got a helpin’ hand for ya’ right here.”